Everytime he said “Alamo? Sa totoo lang?”, i got goosebumps all over and my stomach took a thousand swandives and my entire body literally shook out of fear. EVERY FUCKING TIME. he said that at least 10x last night and it was bad. I was so afraid to hear any bit of truth from his mouth. Deep inside i was like “fuck no pls i dont wanna know dont say anything” and everytime he told me something real, i died. Things like denying me whenever Katee asks. I died 100,000x last night but the whole time i was smiling. During the entire conversation i was thinking bout what i was doing with my life. With this guy. If he was really the one i wanted to end up with.
You can use all the positive adjectives Webster can provide you to describe B. Very easy to get along with, humble, no pretense, everybody loves him. Any girl would be lucky to have him. He’s not the handsome slash hot slash yummy slash sexy slash perfect looking boyfriend every girl is dreaming about. But his forehead kisses are the best and his smile is perfect and there’s always some sort of positivity in his eyes. His attitude probably weighs more than his looks but the thing is i am also physically attracted to him— VERY VERY MUCH YES PLEASE.
Yup thats the case ladies and gentlemen. And it breaks my heart just thinking he doesnt feel the same way about me.
Last night while he killed me with his words (which he didnt know about by the way), i listened like a friend to everything that he shared. My heart was crying but i smiled and just listened attentively over beer and sausages. I felt the weariness of my heart. I was not kilig anymore that we were out together. I didnt want to stop the time anymore because i was with him. I knew i was losing it. Maybe it was because of the series of fights and misunderstandings for the past few weeks. Or maybe im just really tired of everything.
He’s asking me to stay and just bear with his shit until after May. I know it sounds like crap or maybe IT IS crap. I wanted to end it right away but i knew i couldnt. Because i have always been weak when it comes to him. Because i want him so bad. Hate that i tolerate him all the time and maybe thats why he never learns. I honestly really fucking hate myself for that. So i told him i understand him (because i really do) and asked him if he’d also understand if i give up on him and he said yes. He said that if i have someone new he cant do anything about that and i just shook my head thinking how stupid he was to think i wanted somebody else in my life. “Duhhhh if there was another person i would probably be with him and not here drinking beer with you.” Hay naku. Boys talaga.
Anyway. So here we are, both waiting for May to arrive. Still not together. Both uncertain of what’s gonna happen, it’s coming in barely 2months and i cannot believe it’s becoming quite a big deal to me. Yikes. Yuhhh im affected for B but honestly im bringing back my angas so uhhh NO. Im not gonna let anything or anyone destroy me. Cant believe there was a time i wished i were dead. Tha faaakkk?! Suicidal much?! Blaming it on the hormones!!!!!
I dont know whats gonna happen next but Prince Charming if yous gonna save me from this horror story with Bri sooner or later can you please choose sooner?? If you’re coming after May, your role would just defeat the purpose and i would just choose Brian over you for sure. No questions. So come sooner please like next week or somethin